The Wonderful (or not so wonderful) life of Greg

Bit of a Soapbox entry tonight!

I’ve been looking at Foxtel lately, and thinking about getting it (I can hear you all laughing now, yeah right Greg with all that spare time you’ve got to watch TV!). Well OK, I can think about it can’t I.

Well anyhoo, sitting here watching TV this evening, they are offering the “end of their promotion” which is 1 Month of the Platinum package and Free Install when you sign for 24 Months.

Now, on TV they are advertising that it ends on NYE (December 31st) but, when you look on their website, it says:

Legal Stuff *Offer ends 31 January 2008. Single standard metro residential install only. blah blah blah ( see here! )

Now this really shits me that companies do this! How can they advertise the same bloody thing, and say “it ends, sign up now” when in fact, it doesn’t bloody end! This is criminal advertising.

They’ll probably continue the promotion for the next 12 months as they seem soooooo desperate to sign people. But nup, they won’t be getting my money in a hurry!

They are releasing their HD service in Q2 next year, and a whole 4 Channels will be in HD! What sort of a joke is that! So they’ll charge you more for a new set top box to get a whole extra 4 channels! What a joke. And it seems like they will be using the RF DVB-T tuners in your TV to take advantage of the HD rather than using Component, or HDMI.

Foxtel, you my friends have been Soapboxed!

LOL

G

Any guesses……. no? Ok…. “I Would Like to Sign Up for a Gold Membership.”

Yes, I have finally got of my arse and signed up for the gym.

Have been very good so far. Have been swimming and had my first gym appointment today, so right on track to get rid of the gut.

Guess I’m not doing the best thing tonight, although god only knows I need a drink, so have polished off a very nice bottle of 2001 Yarra Valley Shiraz care of Sean @ Barrique.

Now wondering how the hell I’m going to drag my sorry arse out of bed at 6.30am to go and swim for half an hour….

Oh well…..

Today was a bit of a downer of a day… would have been Nic and My 7 month today… so lots of thinking today. And tomorrow is going to be even harder. 5 Years since Josh passed away.

RIP Josh Bendel 12/02/1983 - 19/12/2002

Not much more to add for today, baaaaaaahhhh humbug! LOL

G

Well what an emotional roller-coaster of a week it has been. I hope that there not too many more of these sorts of weeks in my life time because my head and heart hurts too much from it.

Not much sleep, a million and one things going through my head, a broken heart, the feeling of nothingness, and not much eating.

One of the hardest things has been trying to distract myself, instead, I find myself scratching at the walls, going for long walks, listening to music, crying or just sitting on the couch and staring into deep space.

I find myself waking up in tears, going to sleep in tears, and breaking down on the side of the road because something crossed my mind that makes me think of Nicole.

I have tried so hard to make this relationship work, but why is it that when you try once it’s over that it just ends up hurting more? I guess sometimes, the way you feel about someone just isn’t always mutual and no matter what you do, say or express, just can’t change the way one feels for another.

I can’t believe how lonely I find myself. Nicole and I spent so many great hours together, that going from a relationship where you have someone to talk to, share you life with, spend time with, cuddle up to, do things for, and just be around, to coming home to an empty house, and just doing sweet fuck all and not knowing what to do or where to start or what to think is just killing me.

I think I’ve cleaned the house about 5 times this week, not very well mind you, but it’s a distraction none the less. I’m surprised that I haven’t hit the bottle and cleaned out the wine rack, but knowing quite well that that won’t help, I guess I’m just living in hope for a positive outcome from all of this.

What to do? Where to go? Who knows… just a hole in my heart and my life that not even gaffer tape and cable ties can fix.

Back to curl up on the couch and have a cry and put some music on to reminisce.

Greg

Why is it that the mind is such an amazing thing?

In this time of my sadness, I am shocked at how the mind handles emotions, feelings, thing we do and how we react.

Today (Sunday), I decided to go to work, because I couldn’t sit still at home, and was starting to scratch at the walls. So I ducked into Docklands to do some work.

Driving into the city, my mind started wondering, I don’t think I should have been driving at the time, and god only knows how I got there in one piece, but any hoo… did about 3 hours of work, and my mind was still racing, so I went for a bit of a stroll at Docklands and sat and watched the water and the world go by for a while. Watching all the happy people just made me even worse, so I just came home. Which probably was stupid too….. so what happens, I drive home, see a horse float, and break down again. Emotions are crazy!

I went to work today (Monday) and had 2 people, who really don’t know me ask if I was OK. Stupidly, I played the “yeah, I’m OK” card to which they were like, OK… what the hell is wrong. So if people who barely know me can tell that I’m not my normal self not to mention someone on the end of the phone 3 states away can tell, I guess I am really looking and sounding flat!

As much as having people around you telling you that it only gets easier, and just move on, you’re a great person you’ll find some one else and all the other nice things that friends say, sometimes as much as you want the sympathy, all you really want is someone to not give you any nice words, sit there and just shut up!

In times of need, it’s human nature to comfort those around us. Whether is helps … well that’s debatable. Right now, every time someone says that too me it just makes me feel sad and think about all the good times and wonder “what if…”

Maybe I’m off on a tangent again, maybe I’m onto something and will end up with a nobel prize? Who knows…. quite honestly who cares! lol

It all comes down to the title of this entry…. The mind works in wonderful ways…

Greg

PS: Commenting is turned on again. Please feel free to comment on my aimless ramblings. G

Well, it’s been a while. But there really hasn’t been to much to write about.

I’m not in a good place right now. Half a box of tissues, a sore head and a broken heart.

Why is it, that just when you think you’re getting your life on track, and get to a place that you’re happy, that the whole world falls apart around you. The person who I had and still do have true feelings for has called it quits, and has moved on.

Where does this leave me? Well, right now, I’m in the lowest place i’ve been in many many years. Emotionally, I am a complete and utter wreck. My heart has been broken by someone that I love, and the brain is racing at a gazillion miles an hour.

A shock to the system that will take some time to really settle in I think.

What can I say. Nicole, you are a special girl. You mean the world to me and there will always be a special place in my heart. As much as we have spoken, and this was your call to which I completely respect and understand, you are the one thing in my life over the last 5 years that has dragged me out of the really big hole that I was in. For once, I loved, and was being loved, and that really means a lot to me. To care and be cared for is one of the greatest thing in the world. Better than any monetary possession can ever give. As much as it hurts me so much to loose you, it shows me how much I care for you and how good you made my life over the past 6 and a half months.

So, what happens in the wonderful or not so wonderful life of Greg (As the blog title has been for the past 4 years. Well I think this one is going to be a long slow road. The number of people that have commented to me over the last 6 months, that I am the happiest Greg that they have seen in a long long time is proof in the pudding. As much as the proof was in the eating of the pudding (or sticky date pudding with butter scotch sauce…yum!), I guess the only way to look at it was I have enjoyed the pudding, and it’s time to sit back, and reflect on how good it was and look at what the road ahead had for the life of Greg.

I’m not a religious person, although having a doctorate in Divinity, and having the House of Greg makes some think so, I really am not. A spiritual person, most certainly.

There is a higher being up there, and today the deck of cards were not dealt in my favour. On the positive side of things, I really should shut the fuck up and stop thinking about me and think about those less fortunate who are in far worse situations than me, who don’t have family, friends and loved ones to fall back on in times of need.

Going in to the holiday season, the Festive Season, I guess makes it even harder, but at the end of the day loosing someone dear to you is going to hurt no matter when it is.

It’s been some months since I’ve got some feelings down on to internet based paper and I really should have done it earlier. As much as the enthusiasm hasn’t been there, I now realise how much of a good outlet it is mentally, emotionally, spiritually and emotionally.

Well that’s enough ranting of a lunatic for one day, surely that’s got to be enough to make up for 3 months of blogging. And if you don’t like it, as Sean Connery says “Suck it Trebek!

G