Well what an emotional roller-coaster of a week it has been. I hope that there not too many more of these sorts of weeks in my life time because my head and heart hurts too much from it.
Not much sleep, a million and one things going through my head, a broken heart, the feeling of nothingness, and not much eating.
One of the hardest things has been trying to distract myself, instead, I find myself scratching at the walls, going for long walks, listening to music, crying or just sitting on the couch and staring into deep space.
I find myself waking up in tears, going to sleep in tears, and breaking down on the side of the road because something crossed my mind that makes me think of Nicole.
I have tried so hard to make this relationship work, but why is it that when you try once it’s over that it just ends up hurting more? I guess sometimes, the way you feel about someone just isn’t always mutual and no matter what you do, say or express, just can’t change the way one feels for another.
I can’t believe how lonely I find myself. Nicole and I spent so many great hours together, that going from a relationship where you have someone to talk to, share you life with, spend time with, cuddle up to, do things for, and just be around, to coming home to an empty house, and just doing sweet fuck all and not knowing what to do or where to start or what to think is just killing me.
I think I’ve cleaned the house about 5 times this week, not very well mind you, but it’s a distraction none the less. I’m surprised that I haven’t hit the bottle and cleaned out the wine rack, but knowing quite well that that won’t help, I guess I’m just living in hope for a positive outcome from all of this.
What to do? Where to go? Who knows… just a hole in my heart and my life that not even gaffer tape and cable ties can fix.
Back to curl up on the couch and have a cry and put some music on to reminisce.
Greg
